dearanonymousfriend

Ramblings from a would be writer

Mid-night Ramblings…

It is after 2 a.m. as I start to write this post.  I had gone to bed a couple of hours ago and lay there, tossing, stretching, trying to get comfortable.  Nothing was working and hubby was up browsing the local Craig’s List, so, I gave up and got up.

It’s amazing to me how your mind wanders while you are trying to capture sleep.  At least my mind wanders.  I go in to bed telling myself to relax and unwind and keep my mind free from thinking.

I pray for those I have told I would pray for during the day.  Then I pray some more for things that I have just thought of.

Several people have told me over the years to pray at night because it makes them fall asleep.  That never works for me.  I like to pray.  I begin, as I mentioned above, and then, before I know it I have spent several minutes bordering on hours thinking of people and praying for them.  I did that a couple of hours ago.

This always leads my mind to other things.  Before I know it there is a parade forming in my mind.  Out come the banners announcing the next participant in the parade.  The banners will have things like “Grandson” and then I will think of my precious Little Man.  I will think of the recent pictures and videos of him.  I will think of the conversations I have had with him.  I will begin to think about when he will visit next and what we could do.  I think on him until the next banner comes into view.

More than likely after grandson, comes granddaughter and thoughts of Little Miss  come tumbling into my mind.  I will remember her little laughter and the fun we have had.  I will remember her going through the obstacle course we had set up so she wouldn’t climb the stairs.  I will remember hearing her say as she is climbing, “tairs”.  So proud of her accomplishments, clapping and waving to us down below.  As with Little Man’s part of the parade, I also wonder when I get to see and hold and chase after Little Miss.

Now, this is where the parade changes for me.  The next few parts of the parade can either be filled with thoughts of what we could do with this home and gardens, which leads to what I could buy or re-purpose.  And this part of the parade could last hours.

If it is not home oriented, the following parts of the parade are people, family, friends, trying to remember names of people we once knew in our travels.  That one is good because I lay there thinking of situations we were in and hoping that a name will somehow come into view.

I dislike those type of parade participants.  The parts that either have a name of a person, or an actor, or a phrase from a movie  or song you can’t quite put your finger on.  This is frustrating to say the least.

Well, now I have taken several minutes of your time while you see how my mind actually works at night.  I do this nightly.  I envy those who tell me that they fall asleep as soon as their head hits the pillow.   That must be incredible!   Most nights, if I can actually fall asleep before 3 a.m., I count it as a full night’s sleep.

So, now, it is a quarter after the hour.  I hear hubby starting to get sleepy and know that he will be asleep before his head hits the pillow.  Thank you for reading my ramblings.  I am going to head back to bed and hopefully after writing this all out, the only part of the parade left will be those with the brooms that come after the horses.

Good night and thanks for stopping by,   DAF (Cathi)

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What a year it has been…

A couple of days ago I got a little message congratulating me on having registered with Word Press a year ago.

I remember that night well…
It was another sleepless night and I was restless, not wanting to stay in bed. My thoughts were bouncing all over the universe, praying, thinking, planning and just being frustrated at not sleeping. In behind all of that action in my mind was something lurking there. Peeking out from behind a half said prayer. Gazing up from a mental check list. Throwing something into my thoughts. I left my bed, and headed downstairs. I pulled my laptop onto my lap. I checked email. I checked Facebook. I checked my bank account. I played a few games. Nothing was helping lure me to sleep.

I turned to my friend google. Staring at the screen, I wondered what I really did want to search for. Nothing came to mind. All of a sudden, that little thing lurking in the background jumped out and became a nuisance. It taunted me. It made snide remarks in my brain. It would not disappear.

What was this bother? It was a memory of a drive from D.C. to the low country. That drive when I didn’t turn on music and didn’t listen to an audio book. It was the drive where I thought of a blog. A blog where I was anonymous. I had imagined showing images of a part of me. A blog where I talked of my family, showing partial pictures of them. It was a great blog in my mind. But, once I pulled into my driveway and unpacked the car, I put my thoughts into that dark closet where we hide most of our ambitions and ideas.

A year ago, that closet broke its hinges and out came that lurking obnoxious idea.

So, in looking at the google search page I wrote blogging. Several sites came up. Word Press stood out. I hesitantly clicked on it. I read a bit and then I actually signed up. I can remember looking around my darkened living room that was only lit from my lap top screen. I was hoping no one was looking in the shaded windows to see me sign up for a blog.

I did sign up. I actually wrote something. I closed the computer and went to bed. I smiled to myself that I actually did something in the dark of the night and only I and Word Press knew about it.

The next day dawned. I said nothing about creating a blog. I didn’t log on. For two weeks I did nothing. Finally, I did return. I read what I had written. I found the edit button. I deleted the post. Whew! At least no one read it. This was going to be harder than I imagined. Stupid nagging thought…

Several weeks later I returned, this time determined. I began to write. Eventually, I had my first follower. I was amazed that anyone would read something of mine and actually leave comments.

So, now it has been a year. This blog is still evolving. I am still striving to write something meaningful, humorous, life changing. At least now I don’t panic and my hands don’t shake when typing. As I have often said, I am a work in progress and this blog reflects this.

Thank you to all of you who have made this year of blogging so wonderful. A year ago I didn’t know you, you weren’t a part of my life. Now, you are. I look forward to seeing who has written what. You have allowed me into your lives and have indeed blessed me. Thank you Word Press for giving me a voice. I am grateful.

Thanks for stopping by. Your visits mean so much to me. DAF

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Uhh, check…

I confess, I am a list maker.  I make lists and then make lists for the lists.  It is a compulsion.  I cannot control myself.  I love writing down all that needs to be done.  I don’t really enjoy writing down all that needs to be bought.  I absolutely love to take my pen and cross off things accomplished or purchased, though.  It is a wonderful high for me.  To see a long list and then watch as the scribbles and lines go through each item.  What could be better for me?

I had been better about my addiction to lists lately.  I would only make them to go grocery shopping.  Those would be scratched out on the back of an envelope of a corner of  piece of paper.  Short lists, bread, milk, veggies, fruit.  Simple enough, most of the time they would be written, stuffed into my pocket and off I would go, never really referring to them after shoving them into my pocket.

This week I fell off the wagon.  I had a bout of sleeplessness at the beginning of the week.  My mind would not shut off.  I gave up around 3:30 a.m. and headed downstairs.  I grabbed a piece of scrap paper, and started writing.  Two columns, one ‘To Do’ and the other column, ‘To Buy’.  Fifteen minutes later I head back to bed, sighing that now my brain was clear and I could potentially sleep.  After crawling under the covers and adjusting my pillow, I close my eyes waiting to drift off to dreamland.  No such luck!  Marching in formation round two (or was it five by this time?) of list making proceeds into my conscienceness.  RATS!!!  What do I do?  I mentally form a list, complete with columns, and commit it to memory.  I eventually do fall asleep and forget about my battle of the lists.

Waking up the next day I hope the list I made during the night is not full of garbage.  To my relief it is not.  I then retrieve from memory what the second list stomped into my brain and place that on the list.  Smiling to myself, I feel I have already accomplished much.

I have made the lists to prepare to travel to D.C. for my daughter’s baby shower.  The to do part is what needs to be accomplished here at the house before I leave.  For some reason I love to make sure the house is spotless before I go on any trip.  In the back of my mind I know this is in case something should happen to me en route.  I would hate to have my family come in after my sudden and unexpected demise and find the laundry not done, or dust on my pictures.  I know, morbid thought, but what can I say?

The other part of the lists to do is a reminder of what I need to finish for the shower, this is the fun part.  Finish the favors (almost started and done…), organize snacks for trip (read:get goodies to stave off starvation between stops at fast food places), make sure decorations for shower are all in one place so nothing is forgotten (done, err, check!).

The to buy list is accomplished except for two items I cannot get until I am in D.C.. That part of the list was fun.  Nothing like shopping for a baby, especially this one.

So, now you have my confession of my addiction.  I know after this week/weekend I will start another list of what else I can do in preparation for the baby’s birth in July.  There will be more gifts to buy and more things to do before I travel up to be there for his arrival.  One thing I do know, when the list for July is completed my arms will be busy holding him.  I won’t have room for a piece of paper and pen, I will be much too busy cataloging his eyes, his fingers and his face, this will be an ongoing catalog, for it will change with each day he is alive.

So, I will close for now and try to cross off at least a half-dozen more things that are calling to me on my list(s).  Yes, I did make a list for my list this time.  I’m hopeless!

As always, DAF

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