Yesterday I commented on a blog that if the writer had found my writing mojo, please send it back to me. I said it half in jest, half in truth. Some may say I have had writer’s block, but, I think in truth I have just not written much out of fear.
The beginning of the month saw me take a huge step in submitting a couple of pieces of work for consideration for an online magazine. Years ago, I would submit pieces without a second’s thought. It was part of who I was and what I did. Somewhere along the way, I stopped. It wasn’t out of discouragement, as I thought with each rejection at least someone had read my words. That in itself was a plus for me. I think it was a healthy attitude, and I still do think it’s a great response for rejection of submissions.
There are many reasons I can rattle off for ceasing to submit pieces, life got in the way, I started something else, I didn’t think it was worth the time, I got lazy, I rethought my priorities. All of these could neatly fit into the reason I stopped.
But, personally, and if I am honest, fear is the reason I stopped. Fear of inadequacy of saying what my heart is feeling and fear that it won’t resonate. I do this with my blog and with my book.
Each Sunday, I silently pray during church services for strength and courage to write. I pray about it daily, but somehow it’s those quiet prayers during service that speak to me. Each Sunday I feel the prompting to just do it. I leave confident and raring to go. I get home and look at my laptop and freeze.
I was proud of myself for being obedient and stepping out and submitting my works. Yesterday I was supposed to hear if they were accepted. I anxiously checked my email several times, hoping, but not expecting to hear anything. I did not. Am I discouraged? Should I be? That answer comes quickly, NO. I know I did what I felt I needed to.
But, in thinking of this, I realized that my lack of writing mojo is fear of my written word. It defines me, as what is written comes from deep within me. So, yes, I have a fear of the written word, it is a reflection of me. I have many wonderful people who read my words and encourage me, more than I could mention here. I could not write without their encouragement and love. This is a personal threat to me. I put the phrase on my blog, “Ramblings from a would be writer”. I think that needs to change. I need to reflect what I write with how I see myself. I need to see that brick wall of fear and either scale it or blow it to pieces, but, most of all I need it to be gone and get on with it. Right? So, once more, thanks for going through this with me. Do you have a brick wall of fear in front of you? How are you going to make it disappear? I’d like to hear your thoughts. And yes, I will change that little sentence to read, “Ramblings from a writer.” I will also remember that words on a laptop can easily disappear thanks to that little backspace key… so much easier than white out from the old days!
Thanks for stopping by today. Cathi (DAF)