dearanonymousfriend

Ramblings from a would be writer

I need a time out chair…

on September 8, 2016

I am a middle child.   A product of Catholic school.  I am Irish.   I am a mess.

The combination of all of the three points above drive me to distraction.  I see something and immediately I feel like I need to jump in and do something.  I see myself at times like a spastic physical comedian, someone who is moving to all corners trying to juggle things and having plates flying off in all directions crashing and breaking.

I want things to be great for everyone.  I have often said that if someone stubs a toe in the frozen north, I will feel guilty about it.   I struggle with this daily.

The opposite side to all of this is, I am a born again believer.  Therefore, in my mind, none of this should matter to me.  I should take this all to the Lord and believe that He will take control of it all.  I should reside in peace and calm.  Serenity should be the feeling I exude.   I should go about my day with a calm, prayerful repose that greets each challenge with a tranquil walk.  I should be the way we see princesses in movies, greeting each creature with an outstretched hand, singing to them.

Yes, you saw a lot of  shoulds in that last paragraph.  Should, I heard once, should be banned from my vocabulary.  The should’s in my life also drive me to distraction.

The truth of the matter is, I am me.  Full of bumps, bruises, and foibles.   I do stupid things.  I put my mouth in motion when it needs to be shut.  I react instead of act.  I wear my heart on a sleeve and get my feelings hurt.  I demand too much of myself, when I don’t expect that of others.  I am human.

The fact that I am a Christian, does not make me perfect.  For that I am grateful.  I am a human who is trying to navigate through this world.  Some days are better than others.

This summer has been an adventure for me.  It has brought out the best and the worst of me.  I have struggled how I have done and said some very stupid things.  The truth being this summer has worn me out.  I know that this summer has taught me much, but, the whole lesson I have learned will take a few more months to reveal itself.

Today I have read two different quotes.  Each has blessed me and been the proverbial slap in the face I have needed.  I will share these at the end of this post.  I have needed a slap into reality and many people have been too kind to do that.  When stupidity reigns, reality needs to take a turn at bat.   What I am thinking of is this,  a mother of a toddler who sees that child flail around fussing and crying.  Finally the mother picks the child up and puts them to bed, telling them they need to rest.    These two quotes today provided, for me, for today, that feeling.    I have been told to take a time out.  I will find my hypothetical chair and sit in it.  Hoping that things will put themselves into perspective and when I get up things will be better.

For those of you who are in contact with me, thank you for putting up with me.  I wouldn’t have been so gracious.

Here are the two quotes:  “God is fixing every broken situation in your life right now.” (I am not certain who wrote this, so unfortunately, I cannot give credit there, but it blessed me reading this)    and  this, again not knowing who to give credit for:   “You have permission to rest.  You are not responsible for fixing everything that is broken. You do not have to try and make everyone happy. For now, take time for you.  It is time to replenish.”  

Yes, I know that I most likely will think of these off and on.  The trouble will be to allow myself to stop.  Thank you for stopping by,  Cathi (DAF)

 

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2 responses to “I need a time out chair…

  1. Ruthie says:

    Thank you for your precious transparency, my sweet friend. You seem to feel you are unique in how you say and do stupid things and get disgusted with yourself. No, I think most all of us are there much of the time… being so darned human.

  2. In this world too, thank you Ruthie, you are a blessing to me… and you keep it real.

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