dearanonymousfriend

Ramblings from a would be writer

On Saying Good-bye…

on April 16, 2014

September 2, 1983 I was nine months pregnant.  I had a 4 1/2-year-old girl.  My hubby was on what would turn out to be an 8 1/2 month deployment.  On September 2, 1983, we moved into our home.

The home was not my dream house.  It was not what I had imagined living in.  But, live in it, we did.  Our girls were raised there. They had their birthday parties there, the slumber parties there.  First dates.  Prom dates. Food fights while making Christmas cookies. We laughed there, fought there, lived there.

On Friday, our house will belong to someone else.  We are holding our breath that nothing changes, that the sale will continue to go through with ease.  There is no reason, at this point, something should change, but, still, we hold our breath.

The decision to sell was an easy one for us.  We made the decision and that was that.  We decided on a realtor, which was an easy thing also.  He faxed the papers and we put our signatures on the papers.  That is when it became hard for me.

After signing the papers, we took our puppy for a walk.  As we walked up the hill by our house the tears started.  The tears weren’t the gentle falling of tears that are poignant.  NO, these were heart wrenching sobs that escaped violently from deep within.   Hubby was stunned.  I was stunned!  He gently asked if the tears were tears of sadness, of relief or of joy.    I realized they were all the emotions.  Relief that we no longer would have to be responsible for property thousands of miles away.  Relief that we would no longer have to deal with dead beat renters.  Relief that we did not have to worry with each fire season.  Joy is still laying dormant in my emotions, though.  I know it is there, it just hasn’t come out yet.

The sadness was the emotion I was not expecting.  It has followed me in the weeks since we signed the papers.  It became clear once more when I saw the pictures of the house when it was for sale.  The rooms that had been filled with life and laughter and family  looked sad and alone.  The decks that we had sanded over and over looked forgotten.  The bedrooms belonging to our daughters looked empty.  No clothes were piled on the floor, no half empty water bottles were lying around.

I looked at the pictures and heard the echoes of a life.  Echoes of a family that once lived there.  Echoes that are now memories to cling to.

I know that this is a new season of life for us.  It is an exciting time for us.  Changes are happening everywhere.  Good things.  But, my heart is a little broken and it is hard to say good-bye even to something  you were ready to say good-bye to.

DAF

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9 responses to “On Saying Good-bye…

  1. So true on so many levels. I can think of any number of occasions where emotions are so mixed as to be overwhelming. Wanting one emotion to be the predominant one and so surprised that it isn’t! But it eventually comes. Very cathartic though and helps with understanding the whole picture. These sorts of reflections ring so true.x

  2. I’m finally on my computer to write a comment. I have to say I sobbed when I read this the other day and am crying right now. As we are in the process of moving, everything is just extra emotional. And I tell myself it is just a house, and we’ve only been here 5 years. But it’s a holder of memories. Both my babies were born here and it’s true – I look at rooms and see different scratches or first steps, first words, even things that happened there. It is hard to say “it’s just a house.”
    Thank you for this post and good luck with your move. I’ll be praying for you during your change, as I will be right along side with our own. Happy Easter DAF!

  3. We haven’t lived in the house for four years now. We are renting across the country… but… since this house has sold, we are now in the process of finding our forever home. It is bittersweet. Last night I kept thinking of the house, and like you thinking of the bumps and bruises and scrapes and gouges and what happened in each room. I will join you in a tear or two, but I know that my girls are living their lives with their families and we will move on to the home where we will spend the rest of our lives in. Strange, sad and wonderful all combined. Happy Easter to you and good luck.

  4. Janelle says:

    Goodbyes are emotional for me too. I develope a relationship withy home, with all the memories and live that go with any friendship. I wish you a happy new home

  5. diannegray says:

    They say (and I really don’t know who ‘they’ are) that marriage, death and moving house are all traumatic and life-changing events and I totally understand your tears. They are tears of joy and sadness and huge change. I wish you the very best with the sale and that the new life waiting for you is one of wonder and happiness 🙂

  6. thank you so much Dianne… it will be a few more months before we finally settle into a new place. Just starting the looking right now.

  7. sf says:

    I agree with you. So many memories of days full of joy and days full of sadness, when thinking of one’s former home(s).

  8. and the memories are never as poignant as they are when you are no longer able to be in that home. Thank you for your comment and for stopping by my blog today. DAF

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