Since reading two of my journals the other night, I have thought of the other four that were lurking in the closet. Yesterday, after thinking about that first journal, I shredded it. No one needed to read the angst that filled the pages of that notebook. I thought I would feel some remorse about destroying it, but, no, I did not.
I read the other journals yesterday to see if they were worth keeping. I tore out a few pages filled with nonsense and shredded those, leaving the rest to future judgment.
What I came away from this exercise of the past couple of days is this… yes, I am in the process of growing up, still. The other thing is that nothing really is different. Yes, there have been some changes over the years. Some needed to change. But, on the whole, things are the same.
I have thought about this since yesterday and, although I am not a deep thinking person, I think we stay true to who we were when we were young. I always thought that once you hit that elusive stage of being a grown up, you would be different. You would think differently, act differently, be different.
True, I am not as quick to get spun up over little events, but there are still things that set me off. I don’t try to change every little thing about hubby, although there is still much I would like to be different. I don’t strive to make my life look like the perfect life portrayed in magazines or stories.
I’m me. A bit neurotic. A bit controlling. A bit funny. A bit wise. I have grown up, which is a good thing since I am heading over that hill quickly.
It was good to read over the last 30 years of my life. It was a good refresher to see where I have come from and what I have been through. Some things that I wrote years ago, thinking they were major events in my life, I read again and had to think about why it was so important to me to write what I did.
Time does change things. It colors memories. Like a photograph of old that was crisp the day it was taken and now is yellowed and faded, so is our life in retrospect. And, like photographs, there are some memories, that faded and yellowed, are just too far gone to hold on to any longer.
It has become an interesting week and I still have many more closets to clean out… I wonder what else I will find that will cause me to venture down memory lane?