Quiet…

I am not an extrovert.  I am an introvert.  I like to be alone.  I don’t want to be bothered with lots of noise and busyness.  I like to have a schedule and follow it and keep the order in the time and way I like.  Yes, I  know I am a bit of a control freak also.

When we lived in San Diego I would take a day just for myself every month or six weeks.  I would declare it a ‘me’ day.  I would do what I needed to do to get my family off and running.  I made certain the dog was taken care of and that dinner would be ready to go.  I would then grab my essentials and jump into the car.

My essentials were cash for when I got hungry.  Snacks for before I got really hungry, bottles of water, and a notebook to either sketch or write.  On rare occasions I would make certain I had music to listen to, but more often than not, silence was what I wanted to hear.

My destination was always the same.  I would head to the mountains.   I would get on the freeway and head east.  Once I was close to the mountains my route would vary.  Sometimes I would take the purely mountainous road and know I would not see many people, but I would see incredible views of the mountains and the desert in the distance.  Other times I would take the route where I would pass a mountain lake.  If I went that way, I would stop beside the lake and sit for a while.  I would watch the fishermen, the boaters, and the tourists.  I would pull out my notebook to have it handy if I felt like putting something in it.  Most of the time, though, I would just sit, eat my snack and drink some water.

Being the kind of person to not sit still long, I would only stay at the lake for a few minutes.   My trip would then continue up to the mountain town of Julian.  It is an old mining town, famous for its apple pie, and it’s apples.  Once I got there and parked, I would meander the street, looking at the shops.  My only purchase would be an apple pie for dessert that night.

My trip back down the mountain was the quickest route, different from the way I drove up.  Along that route is a bakery where I would stop.  There I would get some apple walnut bread and potato bread and some fruit bars (a delicious cookie).  I would grab a pastry to eat and a cup of coffee to drink on the trip home.

I loved those days.  They were days that were mine.  I didn’t have to share them, I didn’t have to carry on any conversations.  It was delightful.

Today, I have thought of those days with longing.  Hubby has been home for the past three years.  I have not been able to have my normal schedule for three years.  Most days I do not mind.  I have adapted.  Today was not one of those days.  Today was a very long day, and although we did not converse much, I felt like there was too much noise, too much commotion.  Today I needed a ‘me’ day.

But, there are no mountains to escape to  here in the low country.  There is no ritual established for a ‘me’ day here.  No bakeries that I want to stop in.  This morning I tried to escape to a mall.  I thought that would help me.  I was one of those ‘mall-walkers’  who go to a mall before the stores open and just walk around.  I never go to the malls on a Sunday morning.  I know why now, they don’t open until noon!  I gave up the mall and drove down to a Target and roamed around for a bit.

I have struggled all day today feeling discouraged and disjointed.  The answer came around 8p.m. this evening.   I am over due for a dose of solitude.  This is my goal for this week, find some quiet me time and be restored.

Language… has created the word “loneliness” to express the pain of being alone. 

And it has created the word “solitude” to express the glory of being alone.  ~Paul Johannes Tillich

Thanks for stopping by today, I appreciate it.  DAF

 

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