Fading Memories

As many of you know, my dear hubby has had quite the time with his health the past couple years.  At times, this has been very stressful and tiring.  Recently, he was discharged from his neurologist which is a very good thing to have happen.  It appears that my dear hubby does not have Alzheimer’s or early onset dementia.  We are thankful for this diagnosis.  It is a relief and a comfort.  Hubby, does however, have some areas that are not where they should be.  He cannot multi task, which is a primary duty in his career.  He is also suffering from the effects of stress and exhaustion.  The neurologist did not say if these things will go away.  We will just have to learn to live with them.  Deal with them.  And, that is exactly what we are going to do.

Last week we were asked by a new friend to sometime share ‘our’ story with a couple of couples.  Our testimony, if you will.  This is a question that poses some thought.  First, we need to decide if we are comfortable enough and trust these people enough to open up our history to them.  Moving to a new place after many years in San Diego, we realize people we meet know nothing of us, really.  We are plopped into a place here and we go about our normal way of life.  Some people aren’t even certain if we have children or not.  Moving can do this to people.  We know we have children.  We know all about us.  Others don’t.

It was a good question and hubby and I are thinking about sharing with these couples.  It is good to have people close by who know your history and know how you think of things and situations.  It makes for a trusting friendship.  It makes a friendship develop into the extended family I recently wrote about.

Since we were asked, hubby and I looked at each other and started talking about ‘our’ story.  Right away I noticed some key factors missing from his point of view.  In my mind, horns and whistles were going off, lights were flashing.   Calmly, I looked at him and started asking him questions.  He looked at me like I had three heads.  Somewhere in recent years some memories have faded from his mind.

The questions I asked should have prompted him to remember, to recall issues and situations that should match my memories.  They didn’t.  We finished our conversation, but since then, I have pondered on it all.

What do we do when memories fade?  Where do you place those memories when they can’t be recalled?  My heart wanted to press for more information from him.  My heart wanted the reassurance that the counter-part of my memories were still intact and vital.   A part of me felt like I was half here.

Another question I had was, how important are the memories that have faded from him? Were they important just to me, or can they be left to a corner while we make new ones.

This season of our lives has been interesting to say the least.  We are pressing on, going to another set of specialists who will help him with his stress and exhaustion.  Things will change again.  I have often heard people say that it’s tough getting old.  I guess it is, but, I had thought I had at least another 20 years for some of these things to start.

The story of our lives changes and transforms through the years.  Where we dreamed we would be at a particular age, doesn’t always happen.  If we did not have our faith to cling to, I really do not know where we would be now.   Jeremiah 29:11 says, ” For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”  (New Living Translation)

I trust in the Lord to make sense of all that has happened the past few years, it has been quite the adventure.

Thanks for stopping by today.  DAF


8 thoughts on “Fading Memories

  1. thank you, I am afraid the post came off more depressed than what I wanted it to. Actually things are fine, it was some questions nagging at me that prompted the post. I really hope it is not too depressing. I will take the prayers, always, as only the Lord knows when and where this adventure will end. Thank you for being you. ❤

  2. This question haunts me as well. As I have written, there are things that I have experienced 50 years ago that are so clear I can reach out and touch them, yet others from only a few years ago I can’t remember at all. Sadly, there is no reliable science for this. Have I simply blocked out certain things because my mind doesn’t want to remember them? Is it chemical? Is it natural? Was it that baseball I took to the head as a kid? Is my brain just full and making room for my grandchildren? No one knows. And so I plod along and try not to worry about it. My hair turns white and falls out because it is natural for it to do so. I am exactly who I am meant to be. No more, no less.

  3. I felt compelled to write this out, if for no other reason then to just know I asked the question. If you figure out the answers, let me know! The brain is a curious part of our body, isn’t it?

  4. I’m in a wonderful place now where I’m not going to try to figure out the answers. I have written down my memories and will continue to do so until I can’t. Then I will know that the next generation will have them. And I will live through that writing forever. [grin]

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